OK, I need to preface this by saying empathetically that I am not a racist. I Am Not a Racist! Karen, my lovely wife, is a beautiful woman with beautiful white skin. I like her that way. As I often tell her, "I married a white woman. I want to BE married to a white woman!". She doesn't listen to me, of course. She actually pays money to go and lay in a tanning thing. Can't use the free sun, oh no, that won't work. Gotta be that nude, all-around tan look. Nobody ever looks at her naked but me (at least, that's what she tells me) and I really don't care. Actually, I would prefer her to be white all over, she's much easier to see in a dark room that way. You know what I mean, guys! *wink* This has been an ongoing argument over the last, oh, say, twelve years. I kinda figger, y'know, she married me, she shouldn't need to try to look good for anyone but me! So, who's she tanning for? Some questions are better left unasked, or, if asked in a stupid moment (I never said I was perfect...she did!) better left unanswered. So, the "better part of wisdom" and all of that, I don't know. Maybe she spends a lot of time looking in the mirror or something. Like I said, I don't know! Anyway, to make a long story short... wait, I don't want to do that, I'm getting paid by the word here...I'm getting PAID? WOW! NOT! Moving right along here.

I cleaned out the hot tub yesterday, and refilled it. Only it's a "cool tub" now, more appropriate for summer use. Just perfect, as a matter of fact, for this hot summer day. So anyway, Karen comes home at 17:00 and informs me that the AC in the van isn't working again. She's very hot and sweaty, just the way I like my women, except for this (supposedly) beautiful tan. So, I ask her, "How about we take a dip in the cool tub?" and she jumps right on it really quick. During daylight hours we wear suits, you never know who might be dropping by. So we get on our suits and traipse on out to the tub. The temperature is perfect, the water is clear and sparkly and the area is dappled from the maple tree. Beautiful day, beautiful setting, beautiful woman, wonderful world... I need to take a moment to explain why I don't like tans. The number one reason is that they're fashionable, and I dislike fashion in (almost) any form. Number two: Carcinogenic. I don't need to say more, but I will. Needlessly carcinogenic, and in the name of fashion. Number three: all of the older generation of women in my family spent their lives being tan out of necessity; working outside in the horrible Oklahoma sun. They were all wrinkly and ugly when they got old. Actually, they were wrinkly and ugly before they really got old. Actually, some of them were real plain all of their lives, if you get my drift... Wonderful people, though, as a whole. Is that enough to justify my opinion? I think so, but then, I would, being as it's my opinion... Karen and I talked and played around for a while, relaxing and cooling off. The refelections of the sun in the water made really neat patterns on the hot tub cover propped up on the east side of the hot tub. We talked about Matt and the fact that he needed a TV and didn't want to use his own money to buy one. Then we compared tans when Karen noted that my legs look like the underbelly of a catfish. My arms are pretty tanned though, from my recent fishing, so I beat her on the arms. Well, I didn't really beat her. I mean, my arms are browner than hers are.

Then Karen noticed that her tan had a yellowish cast. It was due to the sunlight shining through the trees with the green leaves or something else like that, but I saw an opportunity and I couldn't resist. I just hate it when that happens, I always get in trouble. Me: "Why are you suprised that you're yellow?" K: "I never knew I was yellow. I was never yellow before!" Me: "If you'd get a natural tan from the good old free Kansas sun, you wouldn't be yellow." K: "Damn it, I don't want to be yellow, I want to be tan! You know, Brown!" Me: "Did you ever really look at those lights that they use on those tanning beds?" K: "Why, no, I never..." Me: "They say 'Made in China', don't they?" K: (after a few moments of silence...)"You shithead!" I love her So Much!