Karen and Me

Karen and I... are the perfect couple. Well, that's my opinion, anyway, and it's Karens' opinion, too. Quite a few of our friends feel that way, too.

So... how did we get to be the perfect couple?

First off... we wanted to. Being in love, and staying in love, is not something that just happens. The factors are very similar to success in any other endeavor:

• You need to Want It.
• You need to be Willing to Work for it.
• You need to have Help! In this case, you have to Help Each Other.

Sex is not generally a factor, although it can be. Most couples are attracted to each other sexually. Actually, almost every man is sexually attracted to almost every woman, and the reverse may be true, though there is little evidence of this. But having a good or excellent or so-so sex life has little to do with the relationship within a marriage.

So... what does?

Desire. Work. Cooperation. And the realization that nobody is perfect, neither you nor your mate. Before you can love someone, you have to be able to like them. And before you can like them, you have to be able to tolerate them. This would not be a problem if you could find a perfect mate, right? But you can't... there aren't any perfect people, so you won't be able to find a perfect mate. And if you could, they would also be looking for the perfect mate, and would therefore reject you... So, first thing:toleration of your chosen one. They will have faults, and you must live with those faults. After all, you have faults, too, and your mate must live with them. Once you start to enumerate and compare those faults, you're doomed. Each of you will see the balance biasedly, for we all are, first and foremost, selfish creatures.

No, you have to literally and figuratively overlook those faults. I'm not saying here that you should not try to correct inappropriate behavior, not at all. If your mate farts at the dinner table and you both think that it's funny, that's OK. But if you have a problem with that behavior, you need to bring it to their attention. Let them know that you want their behavior to change. Let them know that it's up to them. Once they know how you feel about a given situation, they may or may not modify their behavior. Then it's your turn to make the decision. Is their behavior now within your tolerance level? If it is, then you're OK. If it isn't, then your decision must be to either tolerate the unliked behavior or end the relationship.

The key to everything within a relationship is communication... but way beyond just communication. Honest communication. There must be no games played by either party. No mindfuck. No bullshit. Nothing but the truth and the whole truth. All of the time.

Honesty. Honest thoughts, honest emotions, honest communication... honest love.

And that's all there is to it.