MEMO

To: All hospital Staff

From: Administration/groundskeeping

Re: New cost-cutting measures

Date: 11 November 1996

Effective 01 December 1996, this hospital will no longer provide security. Each Charge Nurse will be issued a .38 Caliber revolver and twelve (12) rounds of ammunition. An additional twelve (12) rounds will be stored in the pharmacy. In addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the parking areas. In light of the similarity of the monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security surveillance duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching the cardiac and security monitors as well as continuing their previous secretarial duties.

Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to let their families know to bring something, or they may make arrangements with Subway, Domino's, Pizza Hut, etc. before meal time. Coin-operated telephones will be available in the patient rooms for this purpose, as well as other calls the patient or their families wish to make.

Housekeeping (Environmental services) and Physical Therapy are being combined. Mops will be issued to those patients who are ambulatory, thus providing range-of-motion exercise as well as a clean environment. Families and ambulatory patients may also sign up to clean the rooms of non-ambulatory patients for special discounts on their final bill. Time cards will be provided.

As you can see on the "From:" line above, administration is assuming groundskeeping duties. If an administrator cannot be reached by calling his/her office, it is suggested that you walk outside and listen for the sound of a lawnmower, weedwhacker, etc.

Engineering (plant Operations/Maintenance) is being eliminated. The hospital has subscribed to the Time-Life "How-to " Series of maintenance books. These books can be checked out from administration, and a toolbox will be standard equipment on all nursing units. We will be receiving our series at the rate of one volume every other month. We already have the volume on basic wiring, but if a non-electrical problem occurs, please try to handle it as best you can until the appropriate volume arrives.

Cutbacks on the phlebotomy/laboratory staff will be accommodated by only performing blood-related lab tests on those patients who are already bleeding.

To reduce costs in the x-ray department, Physicians will be informed that they may order no more than two x-rays per patient per stay. This is due to the turn-around time required by Wal-Mart's photo lab. Two prints will be provided for the price of one, and physicians are being advised to clip coupons for one-hour processing in emergency situations. So, if you run across any coupons, please route them to the emergency department.

In light of the extremely hot summer temperatures, Kansas Power and Light has agreed to install individual meters in each patient room, office, etc., so that electrical consumption can be monitored and appropriately billed. Fans will be available for rent and/or sale in the hospital gift shop.

In addition to the current recycling program, a bin for the collection of unused fruit and bread will soon be provided on each floor. Families, patients and the few remaining employees are encouraged to contribute discarded produce. The resulting moldy compost will be utilized by the pharmacy for nosocomial production of antibiotics. These antibiotics will also be available for purchase through the hospital pharmacy, and will, coincidentally, be the only antibiotics listed on the HMO's formulary.

Thank you for your cooperation!