ARCHIVES - 1996 to FOREVER

I started off the morning by stubbing/lacerating my right middle toe and bleeding all over the place. I will for sure lose the toenail and right now it's throbbin' like a mofo.

The hospice counsellor came over for about an hour, she always makes Karen feel better... sorry to say, she doesn't do much for me, though... preacher-people don't affect me very much. But I do like her a lot.

Shortly after she left, Kim and Lacee and Patrick came over and stayed for a coupla hours, Karen is always up for seeing them, of course.

Actually, she's always up for seeing anyone... provided that she can wake up... and that seems to be the problem.

One of the signs is increasingly sleeping more and more, dammit. And the poor woman can't eat anything, and she's pretty much just wasting away. She chuckles and says, "This is not how I wanted to lose weight..."

It was eight months ago today when we got Karens' diagnosis. In a way, it seems like yesterday, and in another way it seems like it was years and years ago.

20:46...
I gave her her 20:00 pills, and she's zonked, of course. And I just have to sit here and think.

Reta and I were talking this evening... is Karen sleeping so much to escape reality of just because she's tired? She says that it just feels so good to sleep... I just don't know.

When she's awake, though, she's wide awake.

And when I'm awake, it seems like most of the time I'm somewhere in la-la land. I really want to avoid reality, and it ain't working worth a shit....

Fuck cancer. Just fuck it.