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Shortly after I got there, the oncology doc showed up with the department director.

And the news was, of course, bad.

Just confirmed what we had known... no hope. All avenues have been exhausted.

And Karen was exhausted. And the cancer was most likely in all parts of her body, growing and sapping her strength.

Arrangements were made to get Hospice house, the place Kim and I visited yesterday.

I sat with Karen and we talked for quite a while, then I came home for a bit, trying to sort out the pieces of paper and bills... I'm not really able to do that right now.

I went back around noon... she hadn't ordered any dinner, so I made her order a breakfast. When it got there, she only ate a few bites.

A coupla her friends came up to visit, and she enjoyed seeing them.

And the hospice people will be there at 09:00 in the morning to talk with us and make arrangements.

I left about 15:00, and I've been on the phone almost constantly since then, talking with friends. Almost every conversation ends with me being unable to continue....

...............

22:11...
Just a little aside, provided by Sue....

It was pointed out to me that fucking cancer might make it reproduce. Well, I guess that's right, but it would then have my genes, right? So the world would be a better place, because I am the most benevolent person that ever existed (don't ask my step-kids, though!) and we would have a benevolent cancer in the world. Maybe it could gobble up CO⊂2 and make the world a better place, or make us treat each other like brothers of mother earth.....

So, anyway, metaphorically speaking, "fuck cancer!" says what I want to say.

When I got back up to Karen's' room, Kim was there, as well asKaren'ss' cousin Jan... and Karen was acting like she had some life to her. She had even eaten a good portion of her supper!

I had spent much of the afternoon calling friends, hers and mine, and I had to let her know who all I had called.

I do hope that they can get her into Hospice House soon... hospitals are depressing and noisy places.

Karen is such a wonderful woman, and I will miss her so much... and so will numerous other people, especially her kids (and mine) and the grandkids. I really don't know what I'm going to do without her.

She and I were vastly inter-dependent... a perfect love, I think. We are both tolerant of the others' faults... well, she didn't really have any, but she was very forgiving of mine....

And once again, I'm crying too much to write everything that I want to... I need to go to bed.

And she would always rub my legs and back... I miss that already, of course. And the wonderful thing? She didn't like backrubs... of course, I made up for that in many other ways.

Fuck cancer. Just fuck it.