ARCHIVES - 1996 to FOREVER

Delusions.

Their god obviously isn't enough to prevent poverty, racism, classism, cancer or any of the other disease that plague humanity.

How is such a thing worthy of worship, or even acknowledgement?

But they persist in all getting together and singing praises to it. And they spent a whole buncha money for their building... shit, they coulda done a lot of good with all that money among the poor in Topeka... fed, clothed, housed and educated maybe a thousand people for five years with that money.

But no, they spent it on religious posturing.

Worthy of anything?

Nah... I think not.

I just got back from the hospital, and Karen is doing better. She ate more for breakfast than she's eaten altogether in the last ten days.

And now I'm home again, charging my cell phone and then I'm gonna do some chores and go back to the hospital about 16:00 or so.

.......................

22:30...
I got home a coupla hours ago... Karen was physically doing marginally better, psychologically much worse.

The oncology doc on call had been in and essentially told her that the radiation treatments would probably kill her, and that she should go to hospice.

He does want her to stay in the hospital until Tuesday, though, when the regular oncologist will see her. I have no doubt that he will have the same opinion.

We talked for quite a while and we cried a lot. She doesn't want me to be hurting, she doesn't want anyone to be hurting... how very like her.

I am so fucking not ready for this.

Where is my Mom when I need her?

This whole thing is just so fucking unjust and just plain wrong.

And the tears just keep coming, I can hardly see what I'm writing.

But I will get through this... I have to. I got through Mom's death, I can get through this.

Fuck cancer. Just fuck it.