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We had a pretty pud schedule today, so we doubled our add-ons and ER patients, of course.

But it was quite OK, regardless... I still had fun.

I called Karen about 11:00... and she was out of bed! And she even made sense when I talked to her.

And she stayed up until 22:00, the end of Dancing with the Stars... and I even watched parts of it with her. Not impressed, of course. Yeah, the dancing is beautiful... but there are a lot of beautiful things in this world. On the other hand, not many of them are on commercial television.

Anyway, she was feeling much better today, but still really unable to eat anything. I did make her drink two bottles of ensure, though... but she can't live on that.

She also tried some Macaroni and cheese, the real kind from Kraft... and some oatmeal. She ate about a bite of each, dammit.

I'm about half expecting the doc to put her in the hospital and give her IV nutrition tomorrow; I'm just not really good at forcing people to eat, I'm afraid.

And we're gonna talk to the doc about a MD Anderson referral... I'm really not sure how that's gonna go over.

And I am so damned tired... just tired.

I got a realistic nasty comment from a good friend today, and she's 100% right. Man, I hate it when that happens.

But drinking whisky to the point of oblivion does not help either me or Karen... and even if I don't care that much about me, I do care about Karen. So why am I making her put up with a drunken husband?

Every damned question has multiple answers, and each answer brings up another question, dammit. Like, how much do I know about Karen's disease, and how much, really, do I ***Want*** to know? How can I really be sure to know when she really, ***really*** wants to go? How much do I know about the world and really, how much can I handle?

What I've got right now, I'm not handling very well. Yeah, I can be pragmatic for a while... but I can't be pragmatic when Karen is with me... all I am then is emotional, with very little intellectually derived component.

And that's enough for one day, heh. Too much to think about... my burden right now.