ARCHIVES - 1996 to FOREVER

Helluva time getting to sleep again last night... you'd think that being totally physically and mentally exhausted would let a person sleep immediately.

If you thought that, you would be wrong, of course.

I've always had trouble sleeping, and probably always will. Actually, the main problem that I have is that other people expect me to be awake when they think that I should be. This group consists of my wife and the people who give me my bi-weekly paycheck....

Beautiful day here in NE kansas... 75 F for a high, partly cloudy (I actually got to see the sun!) and lightly breezy.

I saw an interesting bumper sticker today... "Pelosi for President - 2007". The assumption here, of course, is that both the prez and the VP will be impeached.

I want to get one of those stickers....

Even though that might not be a smart idea here in Kansas, heh.

I am incredibly sad tonight.

I am pretty good about hiding my emotions from Karen... I get to go out to the shop and smoke.

But frequently most of my time is spent crying.

I know, I know, I'm a macho guy, heh.

Not.

Some times are better than others.

And it doesn't seem that crying makes things better at all... but the books say that it does. But I don't know how bad it might be if I didn't cry....

I am just so tired of this hurting.

Mom's death was so quick... and I'd been thinging for years that she was gonna die soon. And Karen was diagnosed only eight months ago... it's been a lifetime.

And I can't do anything but watch.

Each of us faces death differently.

And so does Karen.

And she knows how much that I'm hurting.

I really feel guilty, talking about my feelings; very selfish. I'm not (this time) the one dying.

And this whole thing is like a toothache: let's

The pain is there, and you don't know when it will end/

The numbers on Karen's disease is that aboutone in fifteen will survive mroe that five years.

My experience with my patients tells me that that figure is pretty much correct.

And I want her to be in that survivor bracket.

And what I want has nothing to do with anything.

What will be... will be.

And, as always, give us some good vibes....