ARCHIVES - 1996 to FOREVER

I, in trying to sleep, envisioned a very simple jig to accomplish the woodworkers' dream: the perfect, easy-to-make, dovetail joint.

A dovetail joint is....well, pretty simple. It consists of pins and tails.

I could not remember the "tails& part though.

So I had to get up and look it up on the web.

And the night continued... until about 04:30, when I really got to sleep.

And, of course, sleep meant dreaming....

And in my dreams, Karen didn't have cancer... but I did. And this made me very happy.

I'm used to being the guy who does that "I'm dying " bit... having three coronaries gives me that right.

And then Karen comes along, upsets my apple cart and starts thinking the way that I do.

Life is precious, life is ephemeral... life is wonderful. especially if you think....

And Karen is such a wonderful woman, and I hate that I might lose her.

But the only way that I can "lose her" is if I don't' die first.

We have had 23 wonderful years together...

And she is the light of my life, the person that I want to make happy, whatever is within my power... and yet, she persists in being human and fallible....

And as her life ebbs....

I stand as a statue, able to do nothing.

There is a lot of pain.

Pain which I only knew when Mom died.

Pain that will never go away.

And the love?

It will exist forever... at least as far as I am concerned.

...

Weird day at work... ended with a code blue, but somewhat modified, according to the patients' wishes, but still a huge pain for us workers....

And, since I only got an hour's sleep last night....

But I forgot to say that....

I didn't sleep.

Lightning, thunder... were too exciting to sleep through.

About 03:00, I looked out the back door, and pressed the "open" button on the garage door.

And I realized that the garage door was keeping out about six inches of rain.

I had not anticipated a foot of rain in the last 24 hours, heh. Silly.

And, stupidly, the sump pump was contributing to the morasse....

So I drug the hose around to the driveway, which has a slight slope to the drainage system....

And when I got up at 06:30, most of the water was gone. I left the garage door open to air out the shop.... I have the feeling that this will give me a lot more latitude to throw shit away, heh....

Not a "heh" here, though... I love Karen, and I hate what she is going through. I hate what I'm going through.

I hate being human, and capable of negativity....

And I love being human, and capable of so many positive things.

Yeah, this is more than just a bit disjointed.

I don't want to lose Karen, I don't want to lose america, I don't want to lost the world.