ARCHIVES - 1996 to FOREVER

And right this minute, I'm really going crazy.

Why can't I just go down to Walgreen's and buy just a few cigars? It's a free country. ain't it? Still?

OK, that one's over with.

Oddly, I'm feeling better physically. Much of that is probably due to the antibiotic that I'm taking for the sinusitis, which is pretty much gone now, some yellow snot, the green snot is gone.

And I'm really afraid of gaining a bunch of weight, they way that I did the last time I quit smoking. I've gotta look that up and read about that, I've almost completely forgotten about it. And it will be easy to look up, not that I've got that search-engine thing working....

So anyway, just so's I don't do the balloon thing, I'm drinking a whole lot of water and eating salted sunflower seeds... and not much else.

Of course, I'm still eating in the cafeteria at lunch... even though we technically had a no-lunch today, I spent my fifteen minutes eating an excellent chicken-fried steak, broccoli and smashed potatoes and gravy. Yes, they do call them "smashed" potatoes... and even thinking about VP Quayle, I still don't know how to spell potato... in the plural. Got the singular down OK (I hope).

O'yeah... the patches? I have three angry circles on my skin... and they hurt, especially where one overlaps another one. Luckily, they don't itch, so it's not a constant thing... just when the cloth rubs over it. I'm hoping that I'm allergic to the nicotine and whatever binds it and not the adhesive itself... that would really suck.

In fact, an allergy to nicotine would explain a lot of things... the constant rhinitis, the frequent sinusitis, the constant URT symptoms....

Heh... maybe, just maybe, quitting smoking is a *good* idea.

I dunno. Let me think about that a bit, OK?

Yeah, in the space of 30 minutes, along comes another wave of... wanting nicotine. Craziness. So... more sunflower seeds. MORE SUNFLOWER SEEDS! NOW! More water. MORE WATER! NOW! More patience. More patience.

I need to learn how to be patient, to wait this shit out. And I need to learn how to be patient... RIGHT NOW!

Poor Karen... she is "Trying to be understanding" she says.

What she means, of course, is that if she has to live with this crazy man for the rest of her life, it ain't gonna happen.

I think that she is avoiding me... and I know that I'm avoiding her. I'm a pretty nasty SOB right now, and she doesn't deserve that, no she doesn't.

And I'm spending about zero time in the shop... that's where I smoked.

I'm having a problem envisioning myself without a cigar in my mouth or hand... I'll get over it, though.

Well, at least I didn't have to go to any meetings today (we were way too busy), and I did get to leave on time.

And Karen is still the most wonderful woman in the world.