ARCHIVES - 1996 to FOREVER

Trying to keep busy, trying to not think about it. Which is really silly, 'cause by trying to not think about it, I have a tendency to think *more* about it.

And I was thinking that my heart rate should settle down, what with very little nicotine in my system. Heh, wrong. Been in a bigeminal pattern all day, even before I put the patch on... which was about two hours after I got up.

I realized what was going on in my head when I started getting snappish with Karen... but she didn't realize until I told her, poor girl.

I am not a pleasant person to be around today, no I'm not.

Working on the jointer that brother Dan gave me, I'm hanging the motor underneath it with a hinged joint that has to be pretty precise, or at least I'm making it that way. And so far, I'm all done except actually mounting the assembly on the machine and mounting the motor, which will be the tricky part. Or, at least, one of the tricky parts.

When I get that done I have to figger out how to put the link-belt on, then I need to go through the tightening/alignment procedure... then I need to figger some way of fastening the fence onto the bed... missing a part there, and I don't really even know what it looks like, but I figger a large bolt would probably do it... I won't really need to adjust it any once I've got it at 90°, after all.

And yeah, I'm going kinda crazy here... I've been in the shop most of the day, organizing stuff... separating nails and nuts and bolts into organized boxes, stuff like that... busy work, keeps my hands organized my not my mind, heh.

I'm just really a lot more wired than I expected, y'know?

But I am doing the right thing, I know that, and that makes it a little bit easier.

I just really have problems imagining myself as a non-smoker, although I did that for two years. It shouldn't be that hard to imagine, expect for this little memory problem that I have.

I talked to Tyler a few minutes ago, he's doing fine... JD is there in Huntsville and they're recording some stuff.

And o'yeah, I finally got http://jd.nilknarf.net going after a bunch of hassle, two weeks worth. I don't know what went wrong in the first place, but I deleted the site and then added it to my subs again and it works just fine.

I talked to JD last night and he's planning on coming up when I'm in the hospital, just to keep me company.

He is such a good kid... I am so lucky to have two good kids. I usta think that you were doing good as a parent to keep half of your kids out of jail, and here I have two wonderful ones who have never been in any trouble at all, and are smart and kind and productive members of society.

That qualifies me as an excellent parent, heh. Unfortunately, I do have to cede part of that to my ex-wife....

Yeah, a small part, but it's there anyway.

And another part to Karen, of course... not many kids have such an excellent step-mother, heh.

And then there's my brother and my Mother, who both deserve part of the credit....

Damn, there's not much left over for me, is there?

But I don't care who gets the credit, I have the pleasure of knowing and loving them.

22:01...
50 hours, and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier, dammit.

Makes me even more determined to win over my mind this time, heh. My mind sucks... it thinks that I need nicotine, and that it can easily bend me in that direction. It doesn't have anything else to do, so it can send all of it's resources to that end.

But I can fool it, I can give it enough to do so that it doesn't have time to focus.

Right now, for instance, it's busy trying to figger out how to align the six-inch jointer. The rear end of the infeed deck is not level, and there are only a few adjustments available... and none of those look like they can do what needs to be done.

I did get everything else done on the jointer, though... motor is mounted, anyway. Everything is nicely oiled and I'm working on leveling the outfeed table with a stone, that and the fence. I'll worry about the infeed table once I get it leveled... the thing sat in the shed for too long, I shoulda sprayed some oil on it. Monday-morning quarterbacking, heh.

Speaking of sports... how 'bout them hawks, heh? Second year in a row, out in the first round.

They will have a good team next year, though, these guys are all young and pretty talented. They were a joy to watch in the big-12 championship, especially in the last ten minutes.

But the team that they played last night were having the game of their lives... their three-pointers were almost automatic, and that's the weak part of KUs defence. And it should be... teams just don't shoot 9/10 trays, so you shouldn't have to spent that much time defending against it.

O'well. Like I said... next year!

23:23...
Weirdly, I think that I'm starting to get over it... my attitude seems to have changed.

Instead of being a deprived smoker....

I'm a guy who's doing what he's supposed to do.

Some way or another, that's making it easier on me right now.

And so, perversely, is Evan. As in Evan Williams, Jack Daniels' little cousin.

And one would think that whisky would loosen one's resolve, but it seems to have strengthened it.

Whatever. I will insist in calling myself a non-smoker for the nonce.

And I do know that for the next ten hours or so it won't matter, heh.

Incidentally, I found the bible that Mom gave to me on Xmas 1955.

I decided to read Genisis... and I couldn't. I just started laughing and couldn't stop until I'd zipped the dammed thing closed. Yes, it has a zipper on it... it also has every word that jesus spoke in red letters... how cool is that heh?

It has been about twenty years since I read the whole bible, and I think that I might do that again, it's about time. Know thine enemy, like they say... and there's a lot of humor there too, heh.

I've never read the Koran, but I've read lots of excerpts, so I guess that should be next on my list. I'm not counting on much humor there, though.

Ah well. Tomorrow....