ARCHIVES - 1996 to FOREVER

And not so busy in the PM, and I think that the schedule may have been skewed since I was gonna be gone for a period.

Had a no-lunch again, of course, then I went to see the doc at 13:30. He was tied up until about 14:00, which is not too bad, considering. Of course, I do forgive my cardiologist for not being on time for his appointments, since I have been the cause of more than a few of those emergencies, heh.

What he gave me to consider: treatment with more of the same drugs that I am on, only with a greater dosage... or a newer drug, which did the job a whole lot better, but that has some interesting side effects. The latter also requires a hospital say of 4-8 days.

And one of the side effects is that you turn blue. No, literally, blue.

The effects are more pronounced if you expose yourself to the sun, which I rarely do. Of course, like we all do, I worship the sun, but I don't want it to see me doing it, that would just be crass.

I told him I would prefer the latter, and he said that he would check with their main pacer guy, Dr. Katz, to see how that would work with the pacer and what changes would have to be made there.

And, in addition to the days in the hospital, the pacer, after several weeks on the drug, will have to be check rather invasively. As in, I would be under anesthesia while they set it off, heh.

I remember after the original implantation when they did that... I awoke feeling like I'd run fifty miles or so... a lot like the brain-shocking that they used to do to schizophrenics. Not fun, not fun at all.

But, at this point, I really want to do just about anything to feel better.

I have not really done well at describing the way that I feel in this journal. I do not have the words, really.

It's just a bitter, bitter fatigue. And it affects every part of my life.

The work that I love is a trial.

The hobbies that I love are trials, some to the point that I have quit them completely.

The exercise that I need... to lose weight and be more fit, is denied to me... I can't walk more than a block, I can't lift anything more than an 8-foot 2X6, I can't....

My life is defined by cant's, and I hate that.

Anyway, the doc is gonna call me back tomorrow, and I'll find out what's up.

On a really upbeat note, I won a pair of tickets to the KU Wind Ensemble for next Tuesday... I'm looking forward to going to that. With my luck, I will be in the hospital then, dammit.

I won the tickets by being the tenth caller, heh. I was also the third, and it took me a while to figger out the redial thingie on my phone.