ARCHIVES - 1996 to FOREVER

I've been advised to not do this alone... get some help, get some drugs, join a group.

But the groups that care about me mostly can't understand.

They love me, but they don't understand. And they support me, even though... they don't understand.

With me, quitting alcohol isn't a group thing... it's just me. I am the one who has to do it. I'm the one that got me here, and I'm the only one who can get me out.

And I will, dammit, I did it before, and I can do it again.

It ain't easy, but what that is worthwhile is easy? Nothing, that's what.

What is easy, for me, is seeing the end product... a happier, more productive, more loving Doug.

And today, I was thinking... I started smoking again not too long after I started drinking again.... Hmmm, now what could *that* mean?

It didn't take me long to come to a wonderful conclusion: Goddamnit, I can finally quit smoking, too!

But I'm not gonna get in a hurry.

The smoking will be a crutch for me these next few days, maybe weeks... but it's a crutch that I loathe, and it will be shed as soon as I think that I'm ready.

Hell, just thinking about it... I want that to be *NOW* too... but I'm not gonna bite off more than I can chew here.

And today's picture is a self-portrait of my new style... I trimmed up everything but the goatee. I think that I'll let it just keep growing, paring everything else back. I was getting pretty shaggy lately, everything was the same length as the goatee is now.

Or I may just shave the whole damned thing off, who knows what I'll feel like tomorrow, heh.

Recommended link for today: Scott's entry.

And now I'm gonna try to go to sleep... that's not gonna be easy, I'm used to alcohol helping(?) me... but that'll go away soon... I do expect some sleeplessness during this process, and *you* have to be prepared to hear me bitching about it, heh.