ARCHIVES - 1996 to FOREVER

Well, some people noticed that yesterdays' haiku was simply a repeat... that I hadn't troubled myself to write a new one.

And that is much appreciated... especially since they said that they liked the haikus without putting in any disclaimers... like, for a Kansas Boy, they're good!

Actually, it was a regular reader, and one who does occasionally comment, and I dearly love that, of course.

This whole thing is about contact, after all.

And I spend weeks sometimes without any comment.

And I'm not really sure how that makes me feel.

Sometimes I think, "My readers know that I've said the last word on the subject," and that's good. And sometimes I feel absolutely ignored... even though I can check my stats and see that's not the case. People read, I just don't have the ability, most of the time, to get them to respond.

But, once again, that's not the point here.

The point is for me to say what I want to say, whether it's about my life, my feelings or simply what kind of a day I've had.

And most times, what I say does not require a response, or even acknowledgement.

And really, what I am doing is a compulsion. I can't *not* write here every day.

If I ceased, the world would not notice.

But I would have lost something, something absolutely indefinable.

So, a silly attempt to define it?

Pretty simple, much like my mind.

Frank Sinatra said it best.

My Way.

What I'm doing is defining my life, my mind... my soul, if you should happen to believe that there are such things.

And the definition of a soul... it's a fucking daily thing. An hourly thing. There's a redefinition every damned minute, really, if you're given to thinking every minute.

I am not the same as I was when I wrote yesterdays' entry... and you're not the same as you were when you read it.

Shit, I've lived 24 hours since then.

And so have you.

Six hours of sleeping and dreaming bad dreams. Eight hours of interacting with my fellow humans. Four hours of playing and singing absolutely for my own benefit. Six hours on the web... reading, absorbing, changing.

And thinking and growing.

And twenty minutes getting the haiku to work.

So, today: I got to leave early once again, but I will pay dearly for it tomorrow. I volunteered to take call tomorrow night, and the evening tech has a day off. Which means that I'll probably do at least twelve hours, and maybe twenty-four. Which will be OK, especially since I need the money. Damned old money.

And Karen was with the grandkids all afternoon, and she's gone to the mexican fiesta tonight, so I've essentially been by myself all afternoon and evening. Which is pretty nice, y'know?

Karen respects my alone time, and I love her all the more for that.