ARCHIVES - 1996 to FOREVER Nilknarf News:

Natterings, Notions and Notes

The headache persists, just enough to let me know that it's there when I don't take the fake tylenol. If I forget, I'm reminded seriously. And additionally, today I started with the cramps and diarrhea. I'm thinking that I've got a bug of some sort.

I did get eleven hours of sleep last night, and that was good; I got up at 06:15, before the alarm went off at 06:30. I always feel like I've accomplished something when I get up before the alarm, heh.

And that was about all that I accomplished today, I'm afraid.

Work was, well, more work than usual, and we're still short. And will be for another seven weeks. And no respite of the schedule at all. So today was spent running. I was the runner today, but there was a biopsy and the PT tech was over on the Z from 09:00 when she got to work until after 11:00, leaving two of us running the department. And it was rough, but we kept up, kinda.

Been playing withe music programs tonight downstairs, having at least a little fun from the day.

Tomorrow is our big meeting with the supervisor and director, where we find out how and how much we get screwed. I'm looking forward to it in a way, but I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna get in trouble.

On a totally unrelated note(?), Karen called a lawyer yesterday about getting me on disability. Not gonna happen. You have to be off work for at least two months before you can even apply, and even then only 20% of the cardiac patients are eligible. I've had lots of people recently urging me to go that way, and I've been kinda reluctant, and this news pretty much seals the deal... I've gotta work until I drop over dead. Which I pretty much knew all along.

No progress at all on the shop, dammit. The inspector didn't like what he saw, evidently. I'm starting to think that I should've just built the sonovabitch myself. Except that I couldn't, heh.

I'm getting pretty discouraged about my life lately.

Not depressed clinically, yeah, I'm still taking those pills.

I'm discouraged because I can't do the things that I used to do, and that I don't really even want to do the things that used to give me pleasure, like fishing. And I don't really even know what I want to do, dammit.

I really miss being able to be enthusiastic about things.

I'm relatively enthusiastic about getting the shop done, though.

And I've got lots of projects lined up when that gets done.

And I really looking forward to getting it set up, that's about three-fourths of the fun.

But on a daily basis? Blah.

Working until I drop over dead. That's the phrase that I'm keying on.

And working tard, and coming home tard, and needing eleven fucking hours of sleep every night. That's what's discouraging me. And No. Way. Out.

On the other hand, I do have a wonderful wife, and a wonderful mother, and a wonderful brother, and two wonderful kids. Maybe I'm just wanting too much?