Nilknarf News

And jealous of Brother Jon, who's getting to experience a hurricane.

And thankful to Bill Chance, who I'm going to meet in Austin, and to Denver Doug, whom I hope to meet some day... for helping me with my etymological woes the other day. And others, of course.....

But mostly tard.

Karen and I watched a movie tonight, Sweet Home Alabama, and it made me cry. I hate movies that make me cry, and most of them do, especially the ones that Karen picks out. Heh... go figger.

Then I tried some guitar playing, but something is majorly wrong with my, uh, axe. All kindsa static, there's a bad connection somewhere there, but I took it apart a coupla weeks ago and found nothing. And sometimes it's good, but mostly it isn't. I think that I've got the trouble kinda pinned down, but I've gotta remove a lot of screws (again) to fix it, it that's what it is.

Since I couldn't play the guitar, I messed around with some old computers in the basement and I resurrected an old 450, and got it on the network running SETI. Which I haven't mentioned lately, so here are the latest stats:

Aside from all that, work was work, a satisfying day, I was running the room and got lots of patient contact, but as usual, I ran my legs off. No big deal, seems that I almost always run my legs off, which, since they're old legs and this is a young persons' game, no big deal.

Yeah, I still love my work. My job? Well, not always.

For instance, I need to get the procedure manuals done. By next Tuesday. And no, I don't really have time to work on them while I'm at work, and I don't have the tools, either. No software but Word and what I've been using, notepad. Writing HTML in notepad is rather slow, as those of you who might have tried to do that may know. And I absolutely refuse to use Word to write HTML, it is so F***ing ugly and bloated..

So I emailed it to myself so I could use an editor that allows a precise search-and-replace facility that will do entire folders (directories, for us oldsters). I have yet to see that done in Word, I don't know if I'm just stupid or that's just something that they decided to leave out. If it is, they're bastards, if it's there, they sure did hide it well, and they're bastards. And, OK, I'm stupid. See, all of the arguments can be satisfied.

There have been so many days, beautiful days, go by and I haven't really done a lick of work around here. I really feel guilty, I do. I'm lazy, there's no getting around that.

I like to sit on the deck and think about things... things that I should do, about how I will do those things, about life and love and death and the inevitability that everything that I do will someday be worth absolutely nothing.

Why, yea, I am still taking my Remeron, why do you ask?

I am constantly amazed that I still haven't gotten over my angst... most people leave it in their teens, but not ol' Doug, no, he drags it with him into middle age and beyond.

And I have fun with it. I laugh out loud sometimes, at how teenagey my thoughts are. Well, shit, the questions that I was asking then? I still haven't got the answers, and I still think that those questions are relevant.

The biggest one, of course... WHY?

Religion can't answer that. Love can't answer that. Death can't answer that.

But still, I delve on. It's absolutely irresponsible to ask a question that can't be answered, but I must persist... because I must know. Somehow, someday, I might find that answer... and I will laugh at all of the folks that quit asking.

No, it's not something that I *need* to know to continue living my life enjoyably.

I want to know. I *WANT* to *KNOW*, dammit.