Nilknarf News

Batchin' it now.

Gonna watch the KU game at 17:00 or so, then probably go to bed right after that. I was wakened early this morning, and I got up at 07:59 or something ridiculous like that.

And I was up *way* too late last night, on the web, reading stuff. Y'know, there is an awfully lot of *stuff* out there. Most of it is at least mildly interesting.

Anyhoo, Karen left at 09:00, and then Lacee and Patrick proceeded to drive me crazy.

Their KC grandpa got here at 13:45 or so, and took them away, and then Rowena, Karen's cousin from Manhattan, got here about ten minutes later. Rowena and her boyfriend winter in Texas, and it's always a pleasure to see her, even though she was obviously disappointed to find out that Karen was not here. She's back up for the spring, before traveling further north for the summer (probably Michigan, she says).

Anyhoo... I'm just waiting to watch the Final Four, and I'm pretty excited. KU stands a good chance of winning it all this year, but it's gonna be a matter of luck... all four teams are excellent, but they all can have "off" days, so KU's got a 50-50 chance, right? One of their main guys has to have an excellent game to give them the 50%, and if both Heinrich and Collison are on, there's no contest.

I know, it's not often that I'm excited about sports, and dammit, I wish that Karen and Kim were here, but Kim'll be at the game ( watch for her on National TV!) and Karen is in Parsons.

And it's about time for the pre-game stuff, so I'll go away for a while and watch the game, then I'll be back....

But before I go, I need to note that, yes, the Three-way-action portal entry has increased my hits. This leaves me with a problem, of course: will these people come back? Do they like my writing? do they like....*ME*?

In one way, of course, this is why I joined the portal. In another way, I'm really ashamed that I am so shameless that I would advertise my presence.

But the *real* question is, will they come back? Am I worth a second look?

Will my readership increase?

And... do I want that to happen?

Just off of the top of my head, I would guess that one out of every hundred people that visit my site come back. That's not a really good percentage.

Well, shit. I'm not really getting much of a spike here. Maybe 'cause of my lame synopses? Like I said yesterday, I don't write titles well. And then I start thinking, maybe I don't really write *anything* well? And that's why people don't come back?

Brings me back to my high school days, when I actually worried about such stuff. Popularity.

Luckily, I don't really give a shit any more. The people who like me, like me for what I am. And the people who read me, read me for what I write. I can't pretend, I never could pretend.

O'yeah, Lacee gave me an easter fingernail, but it came off, dammit.

17:25...
Damned good game, so far.

17:58...
Day-um! KU is kicking ass so good!

18:26...
The first break of the second half... man, I have never been so vocal in a basketball game, just sitting here by myself yelling myself hoarse. They are just so damned *GREAT*!

AAron Miles has been my favorite KU player for a coupla years now... he has an intensity that is unmatched by his teammates, and this is his game tonight. 18 so far, and he's not really a shooter, more of an assist and defense guy. He is just gliding through the Marquette defence, doing whatever the hell he wants.

I am really impressed, 'cause I had my eye on him for greatness, and here he comes!

19:15...
Well, for some reason or another, that game made me think of my own mortality... and why, for instance, I'm afraid of flying.

Yeah, it was the commercial with the seaplane. That, and the fact that I have recently seen three jobs in Alaska. And the fact that I fear flying... me, who wanted, more than anything else in the world to be a pilot when I grew up.

Me, who wants to be afraid of nothing. Me, who knows that dying is not to be feared, and that fear is silly. I've been worried that my brother will call me with tickets to go to Washington to set up his home intranet. How fu@*&%$ stupid.

I sometimes wonder how I got to be what I am... it seems like I'm different than anyone else, but I know that I'm really not.

And I know that I'm wrong about that.

Like, being an atheist makes me part of a minority.

I am different.

I generally don't care what other people think about me.

I'm not really afraid of flying... I'm afraid of dying. And that's stupid, 'cause inevitably, I shall die. And it doesn't really matter if I die in my bed or in an airplane, does it?

So, I'm not really afraid of dying, either. I'm afraid of hurting.

Well, no, I've been hurt, and I've had a coupla coronaries, and that hurt a bunch, and although I'd rather not hurt that much, it's no big deal. Not a bad way to die. And yeah, I was *that* close to dying, don't think that I don't know that.

So, why should I fear doing the travelling tech deal?

The short, sweet answer is: I shouldn't.

But I do.

I've worked basically the same job at the same place for 33 years. And it's hard to change.

But I want to change. I have to change.

And mostly, it'll be *FUN* to change.

I keep forgetting that last part... the part that makes living worthwhile... the *FUN*.