The time has really gotten away from me tonight, it seems that happens a lot lately. I think that I'm getting flakier or something. You know how time goes so fast when you're busy? That's a lie. We ran our butts off today, and time just drug. I'd do a half-hour's worth of work, and it would only get five minutes closer to quitting time. I started noticing this phenomena early this morning, and I wish that I wouldn't've. Too much thinking, too much reality, that's not good for me. I really have a hard time escaping reality, though. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't stopped doing mind-altering substances, then I wouldn't have to know with such certainty that reality cannot be escaped... it will hit you in the head with a two-by-four just to get your attention. Like many other wannabe wise men, I have been searching for "The Truth" for most of my life, but I haven't given up yet, althought I dispair of being able to communicate it even if I should find it. Maniacs with "The Truth" are usually regarded as maniacs by the general public and by the law. If I were to happen on this truth, I would most likely be turned into a babbling idiot (not a maniac!) totally unable to share with the world. More likely, I would be struck dead, with the usual total communications breakdown that the dead have always suffered with. And nobody would know that it was the truth that killed me. And since we're on the subject of futility... along with wisdom, I have been on an eternal search, as an atheist, to find the one argument that would turn the heads of every religious person and sect to the eternal truth that there is no god and never was and never will be, world without end, amen, amen. Ain't no such animal as that bit of truth, either. And that one really hurts, hits me where I live, it does. It's a damned good thing that I don't really care anymore, but it's a shame, too. An ambition that shall never be realized, a bitter taste in my mouth that will abide there until I'm dead. After all, there are other places to go, philosophically, that are much more interesting... mostly because they're attainable. Physically, though, I must go to sleep. The demon insomnia again occupied my bed beside me last night. Tomorrow, though, I can sleep, sleep, sleep! I talked the guy that is on call this weekend into letting me take Sunday, for the money, so I'm just getting on day off. Need to get some stuff done around here, as usual. Not, "As Usual" meaning that I usually get stuff done, but "As Usual" meaning that I usually have stuff to do around here. Once again, I want to wish JD a happy birthday... damn, I'm a bad father, no card, no gift....