I generally have to wait for the right phrase to come into my head before I start these entries. Obviously, I'm not really picky, but sometimes it takes a lot longer than other times. And I've found that if I can write the first sentence I can continue writing. Well, that's not quite what I meant, but it probably makes more sense than what I thought that I was going to say...
Well OK, enough about that. On to something else... smoking. I was surprised when I got to work this morning... everyone wanted to know if I'd started smoking again! Well, I course I hadn't, and everyone seemed relieved. Smoking actually did cross my mind several times, but never more than a passing thought. Saturday, standing outside in the rain (under an awning, of course) and talking to journallers who smoked... well, that was something that made me think. There is something about smoking... it's really easy for two or more people standing out in the rain smoking to start up a conversation. Doesn't have to be about smoking, or the rain, or the weather. It just makes it easier for me to talk. Reading that last sentence made me stop and think: Easier for *me* to talk. I am a recluse, reluctantly forcing myself out into the world occasionally. It's usually painful to some degree. It's easy for me to talk to one person, relate to them, even occasionally two or three. But get me in a crowd and I'm a basket case. Always have been, anyway. I keep telling myself that I'm getting better, and I keep having the truth thrust back in my face: "No, you're not." However, I think that I'll keep trying to come out of my shell. I have done it occasionally and it was fun... but then I stopped drinking. And thinking back on it, it wasn't really fun, since I had to get drunk first. I haven't been able to dance worth a damn since I got sober either. Anthrax. What is going on, really going on here? Is there one guy/group doing this, and then all of these other jackasses using powdered detergent? Should we just get rid of them all? But wait, how are we going to figger out who mailed a letter from a certain place on a certain day? Is there really a way to catch theM? Yeah, lotsa Qs, no As. Anyhoo, I got up late this morning, then I forgot to take my pills before I went to work. So I had to come home at noon and take them. It wasn't a really busy day, though, so that wasn't a problem. I'm continuing to be just really tired, though, no matter how much sleep I get. I'll be in bed by 21:30 again tonight, and I hope that I can get up better tomorrow...