Well, dammit, I lost yet another smokin' buddy.
He didn't die, just suddenly became a former smoker.
He's a security guy (PC=Public Safety Officer) that works nights, and I've become quite fond of him.
Mick had come into the ED on Tuesday night with chest pain, but they found nothing, and sent him to a cardiologist on Wednesday. The cardiologist did a stress test and he failed big time. They did a triple bypass on him Thursday afternoon, and he's doing well... spent less than a day in ICU and now he's back on the telemetry floor raising hell.
I'm really glad that he came through OK.
So I've got to rethink things again... I've been having some mild chest pain with exertion for the last coupla months, and I think that it's time to go get it checked out before it becomes serious.
I also really reallyNEED to stop smoking.
So how the fuck am I going to do that?
I gotta just put them down. Just put them down, and not pick them up again. I've had so many patients tell me that... I ask everyone that I come in contact with who has stopped how they did it, and that's the most frequent answer.
So why doesn't it work with me?
Because I'm a self-indulgent whiner, that's why. I feel too sorry for myself too easily.
It's not like I can't remember the pain of having a coronary. Dammit, that should be enough to do it, I would think. I've had my lesson twice so far, and the third time is pending.
So... once again, I've put them down. Put out the last one that I just lit as I started writing this paragraph. No, not this one, the third one before this one. Why doesn't it work with me. That one.
It can work with me.
Yes, I can do it. Yes, I will do it. Yes, I have done it. I've put them down.
Sometimes I wish that I weren't an atheist. Believing in a higher power would be nice right now. Some god that cares about me, and cares whether I live or die...
Of course, it would immediately demand my presence in either heaven or hell. And you know, I don't want to go. Neither place.
Nah. Higher powers aren't all that they're cut out to be. I think that I'll stay the way I am.
Sorry, Mom, I didn't mean to get your hopes up there...
So, my main problem right now is... do I go to sleep until Karen gets home (she went in to work this morning) or do I just stay up all day and into the evening? I think that I will be better off if I rest some... I need to keep my will power charged up to the max right now.
So... I'll take my pills and go to bed for a while.