Journal Entry
11/11/98... cool numbers, heh.
I got a whole two hours of sleep last night; I went to bed at 21:30 and got up at 23:30... and started working.
I got a lot done, too.
Karen made an appointment to take the Caddie in today to get some work done, so I've gotta pick her up and take her to work, then I'll go to bed. Hopefully, I'll get the turn-around done right...
I went without smoking until 03:00, and I couldn't take the psychic pain any more.
It just builds and builds and builds until it grabs me by the balls and I seem to be unable to do anything about it. Well, I did fight it off for about three hours...
The weird thing is... I've tried the patches, the gum, the dope... none of it makes any difference. The times when I've lasted beyond 24 - 36 hours, it's always been the same unrelenting pain.
And even the first cigarette doesn't assuage it, just dulls it. But by the third, it's gone.
And I'm left with the pain of failure again.
Fuck.
More tomorrow...