Journal Entry
Rainy, stormy morning, and the rain is supposed to continue all day. Karen was planning on going to Baldwin, KS for the Maple Leaf Festival with one of her friends from work, but the friend called and cancelled because of the weather.
My friend Herman was going to come over and help me with the windows, but since I generaly feel like shit and it's raining, I just called him and cancelled on that...
I got practically no sleep last night because of my coughing. I'm getting damned tired of it, you'd think that would make me quit smoking... but no. Actually, smoking paralyzes the cillia in the lungs and provides a brief respite from the coughing... I know, I know, really stupid justification.
And while we're on the subject of mortality... we are there, y'know... I really love the fall weather. Me and a bunch of other people. The strange thing is, the turning of the season is a really strong sign of mortality. What makes it so neat, then? Especially the fall, when everything is either preparing for dormancy or actually dying? Well, I've figgered it out. Everything is dying, sure, but we're not... at least, not right now.
And our period of dormancy consists of hiding in our snug little houses, playing on our smug little computers... some of us really like that. A lot don't though, and head for warmer climes or, like Willa, dream of being in warmer climes.
We live very sheltered lives, us. Climate-conditioned housing has removed us from concern about the climate that we exist in. Sure, we make short excursions... to the store, to the movies... to work, to school... in which we are exposed to the cold-hearted fury of mother nature... in our climate-controlled cars. And we bitch about how hot or how cold it is outside. But it doesn't really matter to us that much... we're insulated from nature by civilized inventions and methods.
How high we have risen in the last hundred years!
Think... how much further will we rise in the next hundred?
My mother was born in 1917... went through the depression, WWII, the cold war... she saw the technology changing, saw the way that lives changed because of that technology. I have seen many changes in my lifetime. What will my children, my grandchildren, their grandchildren see?
Shit, just wondering about it is enough to make you want to live forever.
But no. Our days are numbered. Once we've reproduced, nature considers us expendable. Three score and ten. We are not allowed to see the wonders of the future.
Most of our wisdom is bestowed upon us after we have reproduced... and then we die with it. Ain't that kind of backwards? First we are relatively mindless, we reproduce, then we start acquiring wisdom.
On the other hand, if we were wise before we reproduced, we might not use that option... and if we didn't reproduce, our wisdom would still be lost.
Either way, we lose.
Stop me if you've heard this before... but the world just ain't fair. Who do I call to get it fixed?
18:22
Back after a nap...
Andy called and wanted to use my pickup to pick up some stuff at Lowes... he's doing some minor remodeling stuff on his new house and needs some drywall and some 2X4s. He brought over a friend who's helping him do the work, he's a guy who has worked at Whelans for a number of years. As soon as I found this out, I immediately jumped on him about the windows. And he knew the answers! It seems like I was making it much too complicated... imagine that!
So... early tomorrow morning, the windows are going in, soon to be followed by the sheathing and the siding. And I am suddenly enthusiastic about the project again.
I did get a good four hours of sleep, and I felt much better when I woke up, but I starting to feel crummy yet again. What the hell is the matter? If I'm sick, I wanna be sick... if I'm not, I wanna be well. This not being able to figger out how I'm gonna feel from one minute to the next really sucks.
Ahhhh... I'll get over it.
More tomorrow...