Well, it has been a day, in spite of what the clock says. Speaking of which, the damned thing sometimes works and sometimes it doesn't work.
I went to bed sometime around 03:00 and just got up again. Seems like I want my sleep in three-hour segments for some reason. I'll take 'em however I can get them.
I'm feeling pretty good right now, although the craving is great. It's one of those brute strength moments. I'm much bigger than the cigarette, and right now anyway, I'm much bigger than the idea of smoking.
As is obvious from my Smoking writing done the last few days, I've got smoking tied up with my masculinity instead of my stupidity, where it rightly belongs. Yeah, I can hear some of the females saying there ain't no difference...
Recognizing this is a help to me right now. It's good to be able to see one of the reasons why it's so hard to quit... I don't want to quit being a man. Seeing this objectively, I can realize how truly stupid it is to think that way.
And now, having dealt with that, I can deal with the physical symptoms... like the itching all over and the shakes. These are short-term things that I have every time, even with the patch. They will go away.
Right now my craving is not necessarily for a cigarette, but it's just a large gangly fellow going around wanting something to stop the uncomfortableness. I can take that.
This is going to be another one of those continuous-addition days again. Bear with me....
And speaking of my reminder list, I found a cassette yesterday that had a partial list of the list from last December. It also had... my personal address file, the original excel file. I was amazed that I could get it back, I've found two other tapes in the past that couldn't be read. This same tape has some quicken data on it too, but since I've re-entered all of that stuff, I don't think that I want it any more.
Suddenly, the java clock is working again. Strange. These computers are strange. As are the people who run them and who worship them.
10:43... up again after another nap, this one only two hours. But I think I'll go back to sleep anyway.
Sleep is good.
19:30...
So I got another eight hours. Stocking up, I guess. I hope it works that way, anyway. Interesting how sleeping keeps me from thinking about smoking... looks like I would have dreams or something.
Speaking of dreams, I had a doozie Sunday night, I think it was. It's fading fast, of course, but I remember winning this game (where you die if you lose) and then, just because I won, they made me play it all over again, and I couldn't remember how I had won it in the first place.
Then, in this last sleep period, I had a dream about the gas station that I worked at in high school and the guy that ran it, Ray Raff. He died a few years after I graduated, he had liver disease. Anyway, we (I don't really know who else was there) were using the lift and Ray's tools to fix an old car. And I was worried about Ray catching us, because he didn't like for people to use his tools...
This weeks schedule: I will work tonight and tomorrow night, be off Thursday night and work Friday night. Then I will leave Saturday AM for Oklahoma, where I will see Mom and Brother Dan as he's travelling through on his way to S. Carolina. I will be down there for a few days, then I have to be back to work on Friday night again... then off Sat, Sun, Mon as usual.
I seem to be doing really well on not smoking. I've got a really positive attitude, but I noticed that I always have started out that way, according to previous entries. O'well... this time it's for real! And it's gonna work!
OK... gotta go get ready for work...