According to the extended forecast, the sun won't shine in Topeka until maybe next tuesday... this is discouraging. Next Saturday, rather a week from next Saturday, I will be seeing the sun from Phoenix, I hope. I will be very unhappy if we get rained on in Arizona.

A got a strange call tonight from one of our security guys, Shawn. I've been trying to get Shawn to take the cat Trouble for a couple of weeks, ever since I found out that he was catless. But he has told me that it was too soon, he wasn't ready for another cat yet. He'd had a cat for a number of years, and it died on him six or eight months ago. Anyhoo, I mentioned last week that I was about ready to take Trouble to the pound; I was upset at him for some reason or another. So... Shawn took me seriously. And it had been bothering him ever since I said that. Well, anyone who knows me would have known that I would never do that, and I think that Shawn knows it too, but he started feeling bad (and probably had a few brews) so he called me tonight in the middle of a code blue in the ED. To make a long story short Oops! A little late for that, huh! Shawn wants to come "visit with" Trouble. He's off the next coupla days, so he should have him a cat by this weekend. There is no doubt in my mind that they will instantly fall in love with each other.

New weather report... not only is the sun never gonna shine in Kansas again, it will snow here tomorrow afternoon through Friday night.

I do try to not let the weather affect me so much, but lately it really has. I like to think that my external circumstances don't rule my mind.... but they do, to a certain extent. Dammit all, anyway.

I got an interesting piece of email yesterday from a guy about smoking. He told me that I have to have faith in the fact that I am able to stop smoking. I have to Believe in myself about that. After all, I'm the only one that can do it.

Which get me right back to the basic question:Do I really really wnat to stop smoking? I have to answer yes of course... but am I lying to myself? I wish I knew. I wish that I had faith. I can't allow myself to be ruled by either weather of nicotine.

Dream yesterday... I dream a lot about being able to personally physically fly. In real life, I'm afraid of flying, but not in my dreams. And every time I dream that I can fly I try to convince myself that no, this isn't a dream, this is real, yes, I really can fly, all I have to do is just twist my mind a certain way...

The strange thing about this dream is that I was teaching other people how to fly, too, and it was working for them too. This was really great! We were flying all over the place! Swooping, dipping, above the clouds, through the clouds, below the clouds, in great big auditoriums...

I tried it after I awoke. Shit. Doesn't work at all.