Wednesday, 20 August, 1997 12:01

The University of West Virginia was named as the Party School of the (year? decade? century?) by someone. The CNN Headline News said that it was in Charlottsville, West Virginia. This all has a familiar ring to it, this seems like it's The Gus's territory. One of the students was quoted as saying, "There are people here that drink sickening amounts of alcohol." and that kinda fits in, too.

And while we're on the subject of Gus, whose journal I read faithfully, he seems to be coming to a cusp in his journal-writing. He asked himself the deadly question, "Is it all worth it?" This seems to foreshadow the demise of many journals; I'm hoping that I'm wrong on this one. The notoriety that he has achieved in his town would be enviable to some, but it appears that it has brought problems that none of us would relish: physical confrontations with brutish people.

This escalation seems to have been brought about by one of the Gus's most endearing characteristics: the honest and forthright recording of his thoughts. Then, adding to the flames, he refuses to eat his words! He actually stands up for his principles, both intellectually and physically, although obviously and selfadmittingly not relishing the latter.

I will admit to a certain admiration of the Gus: but I do have to qualify it by saying that I feel that his alcoholism will be his downfall. (Don't worry, Gus, I say this about everyone who drinks!) I especially find his practice of drinking and driving abhorrent: many years of working in emergency rooms have pounded this fact into my head. Gus has been lucky so far. I was extremely lucky throughout my years of driving drunk: I injured no one, I killed no one. I hope that the luck of the Gus continues. I want to continue reading his journal! That is a selfish reason, huh.

On another subject entirely: Karen and I are not speaking to each other. Well, we are, kinda. We are in the midst of a fight, our most serious ever. It's about money, of course. The details will be uninteresting to other parties, I will not list them here. I believe that this is the first really really serious fight that we've ever had, and I'm wracking my brain trying to figger out how to resolve it. This, coming on the heels of a wonderful two-day getaway, is heartbreaking, even though I've seen it coming for the last two years.

It comes down to this: we have not been completely honest with each other in expressing our feelings. This is a bad thing, as you all know.

More on this later.

Wednesday... back to work tonight. I'm kinda looking forward to it. Get my mind on something else. I just need to get enough sleep today to get me through the night...

O'yeah... those of you using MSIE will have noticed a difference in this page. For some reason or other, it still looks the same in NS, though....

Another addendum: another email address:nilknarf666@hotmail.com. No, I don't know why... why not?

And yet another one! There's a new entry up on the Dying Diary

Find a penny...
Pick it up...
All that day...
You'll have good luck!

Bullshit! I never walk by a penny without picking it up; I pick up an average of a penny a day, probably. Sometimes nickles and dimes, too... I don't know if those count or not.

On the other hand... possibly my luck would be atrocious if I didn't pick those damned pennies up. Who knows? If I let one lie there,  

Find a penny... Pick it up... All that day... You'll have good luck! Bullshit!

un-picked up, am I taking an awful chance with my life and well-being? Is this something that I can die from?

Why do so many people drop pennies, and why am I the only one picking them up? (not counting the little kids, of course...) Are they so little a fraction of what something is worth? Admittedly, they are mostly worthless... but does that mean that they should not be picked up when they're dropped, and not picked up when they're seen?

Another way of looking at it is that I'm a petty avaricious person, driven to accumulate wealth even in its smallest increments. Penny-wise, pound-foolish. Maybe I think that my time is so worthless that the time spent picking the penny up nets me a profit. Maybe this is the root of all of my problems....

Nah... it's just a fucking penny that we're talking about here...

I have decided to stay up and talk with Karen when she gets home. I cannot stand the fact that there is an unresolved issue between us, and I am determined that we will do something about it. I am not used to emotional turmoil, and I hate confrontations, but I must do whatever is necessary.

I don't believe that this is serious enough to lead to a divorce or anything like that, but it is certainly serious enough to consider a major change in our relationship. I cannot live without trust, I cannot live without love. Well, I can, but I'm not going to. I've done it before, and I hate it. Much better off single than living without trust... it is such a large component of love that without it, there can be no love.