Saturday, 16 August, 1997 05:59

Up early again... I went to bed at about 22:30 last night, before Karen got home, and got up at 04:00. What is it with me, anyway?

We had a nice, laid-back day yesterday. It was much too hot to work outside, the heat index was up to 105F, so we got some inside stuff done, then we decided to go to the Kansas Historical Society Museum. The last time that I was there was the day before Karen and I were married... 1984; it had changed a lot.

And it was free, and the air conditioning was working wonderfully.

We didn't get there until 15:00, and they close at 16:30, so we had to skim. We got separated almost immediately, letting our differing interests pull us in different directions.

I love museums. I always have, I will willingly go to any museum, anywhere. Museums are the absolute best way to learn stuff. My favorite museum is, of course, the Smithsonian in D.C.; I've been there five or six times, and the last time I was there I got to introduce Karen to it. That was a very fun trip, Karen and I driving to D.C.and back.

Tyler seems to be equally fascinated with museums. It's good to know that my kids were raised right!

After the museum, we stopped at Sams and got some supplies; pop and candy (peanut M&Ms) and we bought a ham, and Karen and I had Ham & eggs for supper. Tyler passed on the ham & eggs, he was hungry when we got home and cleaned out some leftovers. That kid is easier to cook for than me, even.

Lacee came by while Kim and Steve went bowling, and was crying her eyes out 'cause she couldn't go with them. We got her interested in other stuff and she was all better. She flirts outrageously with Tyler, she likes him a lot and he reciprocates. (How could he not?)

I went back to sleep for a coupla hours... a regular lazy Saturday morning. Karen got up about 08:30 and made coffee, and we sat around reading the paper and watching the weather and CNN Headline news. The heat index is already 98F. Another hot one, we won't get any outside work done again today.

Tyler is getting bored. Karen is getting bored. I'm the only one who isn't getting bored, and they're bored with watching me. We need some excitement of some sort. But it's too hot to fish. Maybe we'll go look at cars, that would be fun...not! Then I'll be the one that's bored, Karen and Tyler will have fun, maybe.

Oops! I forgot that using the word "bored" or any of its' derivitives is a no-no in an online journal. Mea Copa!

Karen and I have spent the last half-hour talking about the drinking problems of her male children. There is absolutely nothing that we can do about it. Matt spent a weekend in jail not too long ago as a result of a DUI, and spent some time going to rehab programs, but to no avail, it seems. Andy does not have nearly the problem, but his life, too, is centered around drinking.

This is scary to Karen, and discouraging to me. As an alcoholic, I can relate to them, in a way. I once was in their shoes. I know that they have to do it themselves. But I can't stand the way that it hurts Karen. I want to knock their heads together, get them to see the light. But no, they have to absolutely trash their lives first, and sometimes even that doesn't work.

I quit drinking because I didn't want my kids to have an alcoholic father. At least, that's the way that I see it.... but I also knew that I was killing myself rather rapidly. But Matt doesn't really care much for his son Brian, so that doesn't motivate him much... and he doesn't seem to care much for his life, either. The fact that he's hurting Karen doesn't make any difference either... so what the fuck will? How can he be reached? It's beyond me.

Andy is a different story... he loves his son Drew very much. I believe that he can find the motivation to quit eventually... but right now, he doesn't see that anything is being harmed. I just hope that he doesn't wait too long.

There is a reason that I don't write often about alcoholism. I get depressed when I think about it. It is so simple to me, so clear, that the world would be a much better place without alcohol. I can see that 80% of the problems here in the US are caused by alcohol. I also see that nobody is interested in changing the way things are, vis-a-vis alcohol usage. Preachers have been trying for centuries to no avail, unless you want to count the Great American Experiment, AKA the Great American Flop.

You can't change human nature. All you can do is sit and watch. Some people pray, of course, that is just as effective as sitting and watching.

Of course, alcohol is not the problem. People are. In-duh-viduals are the problem. People who find in alcohol something that they can't have without it, whatever that may be. A social life (With other drunks, unfortunately), self-confidence, bravery, the ability to shut out the world. The ability to "stand up for themselves", usually demonstrated by bar fights. The ability to drive fast. The admiration of other drunks. Their peers... scary stuff.

OK, I'm properly depressed now.