My entries lately have been short, uninformative and boring. At least from this side. Well, I've decided that I can't really change that unless something changes in my life, such as, I actually get a life.

I have been spending all of my free time lately computing, which is OK generally, but I have other things that I need to be doing, and I'm not getting them done. The solution to this is, of course, to cut down on this and start doing more of that until that is taken care of. This will not be easy. It is, however, necessary. Like, I really need to balance the checkbook, since I haven't done that since sometime in October.

Another thing that beings this subject up... I started having chest pain tonight. It wound up being gas (or I wouldn't be writing this) but it did start me thinking of all of the undone things that Karen would be left with if I were to die tonight. I really don't want to do that to her. So I'm going to get busy and get some shit done.

My next coronary, I've been told, will be my last one. This is just an educated guess (by educated people), of course; if I am again in the right place at the right time and have myself surrounded by competent people, I will be all right. It would be far better, however, to just not have another one. I think that it's time to really work on this part again... stopping smoking. And exercising, too. Just trying to maintain what I have, I don't really want to develop muscles, just lungs and heart, and maybe lose a little weight. Thirty pounds would be nice, and it's quite do-able. I just need to go down to the basement and get on the treadmill for 1/2 hour every day, and it six weeks I would be in excellent health. Well, maybe six months, then. But it'll never happen if I don't get started.

Just thinking... more likely than another coronary at this time is ventricular fibrillation. I already have a very irregular heartbeat, and the possibility of going into v-fib is pretty real. And I would have much less chance of surviving that than a coronary. I would have to depend on not only someone competent being near, but someone with a defib unit.

On the other hand, there would be very little pain associated with dying that way unless someone decided to pound on your chest for a while. Ouch!

Dying from v-fib. That would be a pretty boring way to go. I would notice that something was not quite right and I would try to feel a radial pulse. Meanwhile, I would rapidly develop tunnel vision, then faint from lack of adequate cerebral circulation. Whatever happened after that would be unknown, except I know that I won't be going to heaven (or hell, either!) If I was around someone knowledgeable about such things, a pre-cordial thump might put things aright, but most likely not. If CPR was started, my chances of doing a full recovery would be slim. It seems like most of the people that I have known that had this happen to them are neurologically compromised extensively. Personally, I would rather just die and be done with it, it's much less expensive and a lot easier on the family. Unfortunately, once I pass out, it's pretty much out of my hands, no matter what kind of legal papers that I have signed.

But enough of that! I really do plan on living a long time yet. I've got a lot of shit to take care of, and I would like to conquer this fucking smoking demon before I die.

Hopefully, this is not as boring as recent entries have been. This is a really boring night at the hospital, though, unlike the last few. I'm actually getting to watch a 'required' video tonight! And I've got all of my paperwork done, too.

I'm trying to get the Doc that's the head of Medassist to let me put up a site for him, but he's very reluctant about it. I would like to design and sell a page, just so I could call myself a HTML writer/designer/whatever. MicroMajik Web Design, Doug Franklin, Prop. Besides, if I made some money, I would be a business and could do some deductions from the old income tax. I could deduct the computer, office space, buy a scanner... and go broke. Is there any profit in going broke? I don't think so... at least there wasn't the last time that I tried it.

I wonder if, as an atheist, I could claim minority status...maybe get some government contracts or at least some money...

Home finally. I did get really busy for a while, there, but nothing like Friday or Saturday. I did get some interesting and challenging patients. That makes it fun (for me, anyway, still not much fun for them!) As per usual after one of my twelves, I'm beat. I'll just put this up and go to bed. I won't even check the Open pages journals, just the ones that I'm on the notify list for. I noticed yesterday that there are, once again, more journals on Open Pages. Will it never end? Why would I want it to? I just hope that they are all interesting!