Resisting temptation. I'm getting good at it. The thing is, usually, I don't want to smoke. I just want to do something. Anything! I want to quit thinking about smoking. But I can't really think about much else. I'm not feeling sorry for myself because I'm not smoking... I don't know what it is. Smoking is a bunch of habits. Not just one. One I can handle just fine. It's just that these others keep popping up and surprising me. I didn't realize that they were there. I mentioned this the other day... do something, smoke a cigarette. Do something else, smoke a cigarette.... etc.

It's kinda like the feeling that you would have if you knew there was a big guy out there somewhere just waiting to hit you with a ball bat. He's silent and he's invisible, but he has a real bat. He might be around any corner. You must always be on guard. The tension is overwhelming... but you must act casual, and not let him know that you're afraid of him, or any other invisible things... because if you admit to yourself that they might be real, you might give them life, where there really was none before...

This sounds like a good hallowe'en story. I think I'll save it 'til next year.

Other than that, it was a good night at work. I'm consciously building habits away from the smoking area and people who smoke. I'm getting to know some of the non-smokers a lot better in the process. Now that I'm one of "them" they seem to accept me differently. It's probably all in my head, though. Now that I'm a non-smoker, I feel worthy to associate with them...( I'm being sarcastic here...I think).

Voted after work today. Done my duty. I sure do hope... I dunno. I guess, in the long run, that I don't really care who wins as long as Dole gets smeared. I'm kinda interested in some of the local races, but not really, really interested.

I really miss Doggie. Up until recently, when I would come home, she would jump up and greet me, putting her front paws up on my leg and getting me to scratch her ears... I miss that. Not enough to try to replace her, though. She is irreplaceable.

Once again, spending the night fighting has completely worn me out. Plus the hip is getting worse instead of better. So I'm gonna take some pills and go to sleep. One more night! Then my week off... lotsa stuff to get done this time around. No slack time at all...

Thank you all for your kind e-support!
Day 05 has been conquered! Still No Smoke!