Wow. Yes.

I am going crazy, but I believe that that's part of the process. I'm going with the process. Working with the drugs.

The hardest part is not thinking about smoking. But when I'm not consciously thinking about smoking, I find that my subconscious mind takes over, and my feet carry me in the direction of the smoking area. So I'm going to try to keep it at a more-or-less conscious level. At this point, I'm not really craving a smoke, but just kinda spinning my wheels, knowing that the routine is out of whack and not quite knowing what to do about it. It's just kinda uncomfortable being me right now. But nothing that I can't live with.

Interestingly, but not surprisingly, my cardiac arrhythmias have decreased markedly. I'm used to being in tri-geminil or bigeminial rhythms, (where every third or second heartbeat is screwed up) and that's not happening much tonight. My caffein intake has remained about the same, too, and I am wearing the patch that should be giving me about the same amount of nicotine. So something else about smoking is messing my rhythms up. Maybe the decreased amount of 02. However, now that I'm conscious of it, I am having frequent PVCs, but not on a regular basis.

I have made it through 24 hours. I'm happy. One day at a time? Shit, it's more like one minute at a time.

Kinda busy last night, but everything kept happening all at once, like three stat patients in a five-minute period, then an hour until the next one. Some nights are like that. I'm glad that it wasn't just dead...

One of the most difficult things is breaking the routines. Do a certain routine paperwork, go smoke. Do some QA, go smoke. Get some film jackets from the back file room, go smoke. Eat, go smoke. It takes an effort every time to resist going where my feet seem to want to go.

November the first. Still no November essay... I've got two half-finished, though. I just don't like either one of them enough to finish them. Nothing but first-class stuff for my readers, by gum!

Enough of this... I'm going to take a shower and go to bed.

By the way, I want to thank you all for your support!

Day 01 is history! No Smoke!