Bugs. I've been thinking about bugs lately. Butterflies, fleas, ants. I wonder if the fleas have tiny newspapers, detailing accounts of flea-world disasters:

Or the Monarch Monitor:

Comparing bugs with people is really stupid, though, isn't it? After all, they have no feelings, no intelligence, no souls...

OK. However, in the larger scheme of things... whaddya mean, how do I know about larger schemes? I'm making this up as I go along, so I know where this is going, and you don't, so just shaddap and listen! Now that we got that settled...

Ants. Cooperative little devils. Never a lazy one in the bunch. Run, run run. Why are there no lazy ants, you say? Well, laziness would be perceived by the other ants as a genetic aberration, and the lazy one would be killed and eaten. So there are many billions of happy little productive ants, each in their own little colonies, all over the world. But ants are exclusionists. If the territory of one colony gets invaded by another colony's workers, they are dismembered and eaten. Same species, same everything, but they just don't smell right. Kill them, eat them.

But each ant, individually, values their own life, and they will struggle mightily to preserve it. But they "think" nothing of killing another ant.

Is there a lesson to be learned here? No. Except maybe that we can't figger out ants or humans, either.

The larger story is in the significance of each individual ant. They aren't, to us. One ant's death, or a billion of them, won't affect mankind at all. If all of the ants in the world died, we'd have a short-term problem with waste disposal, but that slot would soon be filled.

Get to the point! You say. OK, but you're not gonna like it.

If I were to die (and I probably will, someday) all of my friends and relatives would be affected for a few days. I've met maybe 15,000 people in my lifetime, and I have probably 1,000 acquaintances and 100 friends. That's a really insignificant number of people when you consider the world population.

The average length of time that these 15,000 people would think of my death is probably 15 minutes. That's a lot of time... until you think of all of the time that there is. Many of the world's great leaders and philosophers... are thought about and written about for millennia after their deaths. Ah, so that is significant! You say. Nah. The truth is... nothing is significant. Nothing that we can do, anyway. The earth could explode tomorrow, and the universe will go on. Very possibly, there are other intelligences out there that are suffering their death throes right this very instant. Not significant to us, not significant to the universe.

So What's yer point! You say.

Sadly, there is no point. To anything. This is just something that I think about whenever I need to renew my humility, and sometimes just for the hell of it. Shit. Humility is depressing...

There will probably be more of this drivel later....

Yeah, more drivel... I slept from 04:30 until 08:00. No, I don't feel any better. But I have got to do some things, so I'm up and doing. The first thing I'm gonna do is make (and drink) a pot of coffee. And read the paper. Then I'm gonna think about doing some other things. Actually, I'm going to go to the hospital and get my evaluation, then go over to the rental house and do an inventory of the damage and make a list and go to the hardware store. I'm also going to refill the hot tub, so it will be nice and hot tonight. It's very cool here, just-right hot tub weather! Gotta take advantage of that!

Details. So damned many details, all involving work. Not really work, but drudgery. I hate drudgery, I can't even spell it right. I hate painting and plumbing and cleaning and mowing and trimming. And phone calls. The only really right way to communicate is with email, but everyone doesn't have email. There's something the politicians should jump on... email in every house. Instead, the people who stand to make money from it are saying it... duh. I have about seven phone calls to make, and I'll have to talk to real people and make them understand what I want. But I don't have a script and they will not understand. So I'll have to improvise and make them want to understand what I want. Even then, they'll probably screw it up royally. I'm much better at communicating when I can think things out and write them down. Not counting this journal, of course!

Speaking of which, I want you all to know I'm not depressed! The above is merely an intellectual exercise... I'm really a happy guy, especially considering how insignificant everything is! All we have are the moments, and I make the most of my moments, wouldn't have it any other way. And I do love all of the feedback I get from y'all! Thanx a lot!

Well, I did get a lot accomplished today... hot tub is ready to go, half of the calls got made, and I got my evaluation. I got a raise for the first time in five years! I've been at the top of my salary range, they finally raised it...I had to make two trips to the hospital to get it though, sorta blew some other plans I had... or provided a pretty good excuse, anyway! But I did get a chance to vent pretty well... I never see my supervisor. He never comes in 'til 08:00 and I'm gone by then. He's only been my supervisor since May or so, so we don't know each other very well. We know each other better now.

Getting very tired, now. Karen just got home, she had a job interview today and feels like she did real well on it. I sure hope so... she likes to move around in the company and do different jobs. She's had three or four different ones since we've been married, liked all but one of them. She's not really unhappy where she is, she just thinks this other job would be more fun.

Speaking of Karen, I have to go give her a backrub. She's all tensed up over her interview. A backrub and the hot tub... that's the ticket for her tonight. I sure do love her!

That's all for today....